The Metatron ([info]godsayshi) wrote,
2005-11-03 22:00:00
  • Mood: exhausted
*looks as though he hasn't slept in weeks -- hasn't, of course, but now he looks it*

I want -- *is clutching a lit candle, without a holder, in one hand, and watches as the hot wax drips down over his hand* I want to forget. *puts out the flame with his thumb and holds his thumb in place; it sinks into the melting candle*

*takes a deep breath and starts again* I want to forget that I ever doubted. I want to remember why I exist at all --

...dammit. *looks down, but the candle is gone by now* Please -- *swallows* *hoarsely* Please, someone help me. I need someone to believe in. I'm sorry. Please.

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  • 29 comments

[info]duke_hastur

November 4 2005, 06:00:19 UTC 6 years ago

Just.. don't let anyone choose for you, angel.

[info]godsayshi

November 4 2005, 06:03:07 UTC 6 years ago

...I know. *is. really. -- you win at manipulation, Hastur*

[info]duke_hastur

November 4 2005, 06:04:46 UTC 6 years ago

Good. *hugs*

But get all the help you can. From whoever you can. It'll help you make the choice that's good for you.

[info]godsayshi

November 4 2005, 16:04:23 UTC 6 years ago

*...hugged. doesn't really... do... anything about it, but doesn't resist*

I... will.

[info]black_famine

November 4 2005, 06:00:53 UTC 6 years ago

*...........um. oh fuck.*

*looks...um. very beyond alarmed.* ...Metatron?

[info]godsayshi

November 4 2005, 06:02:31 UTC 6 years ago

*....yeah, that was the typist's reaction, too*

*smiles in that "oh, look, a person. my automatic reaction is to smile. okay. I'll do that" kind of way* Famine.

[info]black_famine

November 4 2005, 06:05:59 UTC 6 years ago

*shit. shit. shit. is stunned.* ...What...what's happened?

[info]godsayshi

November 4 2005, 16:05:25 UTC 6 years ago

*bites his lip and is suddenly looking very on the verge of tears again* I -- don't... I don't want to Fall.

[info]black_famine

November 4 2005, 18:24:13 UTC 6 years ago

*......the word "fuck" cannot be used enough, kthnx.*

*...hugs* *almost roughly* You will not Fall, angel.

[info]godsayshi

November 4 2005, 18:26:51 UTC 6 years ago

*......we agree.*

*...clings and begins to cry, silently* If -- if I don't want to be in Heaven, where else can I go but... Hell?

[info]black_famine

November 4 2005, 18:30:00 UTC 6 years ago

*may be clinging a bit too, because...augh* There have to be alternatives, angel. Nothing is black and white. You will not Fall.

[info]godsayshi

November 4 2005, 20:49:26 UTC 6 years ago

*...is clinging like his life depends on it, actually, and shaking, and really isn't doing well at all here, is he?* I don't -- Hastur said -- *stops*

[info]black_famine

November 4 2005, 20:57:00 UTC 6 years ago

*clings tightly* ...What did Hastur say? *keeps his voice very, very level*

[info]godsayshi

6 years ago

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[info]black_famine

6 years ago

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[info]godsayshi

6 years ago

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[info]black_famine

6 years ago

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[info]archedies

November 4 2005, 06:04:02 UTC 6 years ago

*hugs sleepily, and typistly, and invadingly, and oh, sorry* Yeah. C'mon, we'll go and look from someone good enough to be worth believing in together, or something. Somone Not Hastur, plz.

[info]godsayshi

November 4 2005, 06:04:54 UTC 6 years ago

*...clings...!* That sounds -- that sounds nice, actually. OmgwtfHasturI'msoconfusedomg.

[info]archedies

November 4 2005, 06:10:02 UTC 6 years ago

I know, it really does, doesn't it? It sounds so nice to think there's really someone, something out there that's worth it, especially late when you're fallling asleep -- angels don't sleep, but -- it's especially a nice idea then, like getting a musical snow globe. So -- epic quest for faith, when I wake up. Don'ttrusthimit'satrap.;_;

[info]godsayshi

November 4 2005, 17:52:05 UTC 6 years ago

Oh -- it does, it really... it really does. *wistful!* I used to have that, but... ...IF ONLY I KNEW THAT IC-LY.

[info]tartanineffable

November 4 2005, 06:24:27 UTC 6 years ago

*gently, but still rather sternly* You're an angel. Remember that, and pull yourself together. You are one of God's own - you're an angel, you're the Metatron. There is simply no room nor reason for doubt like this.

Get it together.

[info]godsayshi

November 4 2005, 17:45:38 UTC 6 years ago

*flinches -- angels really make him nervous* I know, I know, I'm trying. I just... I need a reason to believe.

I'm trying.

[info]tartanineffable

November 4 2005, 22:29:30 UTC 6 years ago

*quietly* There is no 'try'. There is only 'do'. You're an angel. That is reason enough. Your entire existence, your grace, your glory, is reflection of the existence, the grace, and the glory of God. That is your reason.

[info]prinzzofhell

November 4 2005, 07:38:47 UTC 6 years ago

*puppy!whines and looks sad*

[info]godsayshi

November 4 2005, 17:47:13 UTC 6 years ago

*...sits down next to puppyBeezie* I'm sorry.

[info]avenginggoddess

November 4 2005, 14:27:30 UTC 6 years ago

*Hugs*

[info]godsayshi

November 4 2005, 17:47:57 UTC 6 years ago

*...clings*

[info]avenginggoddess

November 4 2005, 19:09:16 UTC 6 years ago

*Clingsbacklikewhoa*
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